The Irony of Trying
by Live.off.Literacy
Summary: Beca was one of a kind. She was the movie plot twist you never saw coming. But all he could focus on was the irony. Did no one else see the irony?


He was laughing as he came down the stairs, joking around with the other boys. They were psyched for their upcoming performance, the tension in the air doing nothing but lifting their excitement in preparing to give a smashing show. The Footnotes had been good, sure, but Jesse was sure the Treblemakers had this title in the bag. Despite the laidback attitude he and the rest of the group possessed at most times, they actually did put time and effort into their a cappella performances, as much as Bumper would have the other groups believe otherwise. In fact, it had been the self-proclaimed 'lazy annoying pigheaded douchewad' himself who had made them buckle down and focus on their routine. Still, even when Bumper actually took command of the Trebles, it wasn't with the total dictatorship Aubrey did. When it came down to it, at the end of the day, they went out there as brothers (for that's what they had become) for the sole reason of making an impression and have a blast. Really, what more could Jesse ask for? He was completely at ease with the rest of the dudes. But near the end of their descent from the balcony, where they had sat through the majority of the competition, Jesse heard angry, upraised voices that immediately wiped the smile off his face. One voice in particular stood out.

"I told you she wasn't a Bella."

"Ohh, burn!" Unicycle whispered from the other side of Jesse. "Three guesses as to which one of the new gals she's talking about." No one questioned him as to who 'she' was; all the Trebles, even the newer members, had heard the furious voice of Aubrey Posen shouting at them at one point or another coming into the semi-final a cappella competition. Then again, that wasn't as much of a claim as it had been in previous years; Aubrey had been so wound up this year she basically spazzed out at anyone who so much as raised an eyebrow at anything she said- a cappella or otherwise- in her presence. The 'mystery girl' was much harder to guess.

Donald was the first one to take a jab at the question, shrugging his shoulders noncommittally. "I dunno man, but my bet is on Jesse's punk-rock chick. You know, the emo one he buys juice pouches for all the time? Oh, or maybe it's Fat Amy. We all know how that one can be." Bumper led the laughter that emitted from the rest of the group, but the light banter between the boys had made something inside Jesse coil up uncomfortably. He supposed it had something to do with the way Donald referred to Beca as 'his chick', though Jesse wasn't sure whether the tightening in his stomach was due to the fact that she wasn't his (sadness) or the fact that she had screamed out her opposition against being his (anger).

"_You're not my boyfriend!"_

He winced as the memory came back to him, and decided that the fine differences between the two really didn't matter, because the outcome was the same: she didn't want him. And there it was, the harsh truth that he had been facing for months now but one that still hadn't become easier to deal with. Oh, who was he kidding, his guts were in a twist because he was sad. It didn't matter that Beca had screamed at him (well, it did, but he always did cool down quickly; it was water under the bridge now) because she had her own personal reasons for doing so, which he could respect. But being reminded of having no chance whatsoever with the girl of his dreams, in a context that made the girl his, while said girl herself had told him she would never be interested? That was rubbing salt into the still fresh wound.

"_You're not my boyfriend! You're not my boyfriend! You're not my boyfriend! You're not my boyfriend! You're not my boyfriend! You're not my boyfriend! You're not my boyfriend! You're n-"_

It played in his mind like his own personal mantra. He shook his head, upset at the hold Beca could have over him, even if it was just through a simple offhand comment made by Donald. Unconsciously, he stepped up his pace, making more quickly towards the arguing voices (towards **her** voice) and completely ignoring the voices of his friends, who were shouting queries at him. He arrived just in time to hear Aubrey begin to rant at Beca.

"Your attitude sucks, you're a grade-A pain in my ass," she glanced past Beca to see the Trebles descending from the stairs, Jesse in the lead "and I know you're hooking up with Jesse."

Jesse felt like she had hit him with a frying pan, like in all those cartoons he watched when he was young. She thought they were hooking up? He knew his feelings for Beca were obvious, but couldn't Aubrey see that Beca's disdain for him was equally palpable? And he realized that now would be the perfect time to get Beca back for what she had done to him in front of the prison. Leave her hanging. Don't jump to defend her. Let her feel even a small fraction of the pain she had caused him. But even as those thoughts ran through his mind, he knew what he would do, because he was Jesse, and she was Beca. _Screw it all_, he thought as he jumped to her defense. "Whoa, whoa, Aubrey! Calm down, we're not hooking up, we're-" _just friends_, he was going to say, but Beca beat him to it. By, who would've guessed, rounding on him.

"Jesus Christ, that's perfect. Of course you're here right now! I don't need your help, okay? Could you back off?"

Correction. This was what he imagined it felt like to be hit by a frying pan. He stood there, stunned, yet in a small way not at all surprised at how Beca had reacted. He blamed his own stupidity. And arrogance. In all the time that he had known her, one of her most prominent trait was that she wasn't like any of the other girls he had met. No, Beca was one of a kind. She was the movie plot twist you never saw coming. He mentally slapped himself for assuming that anything he did at this point would affect her in the least_. She doesn't care about you, or anything you do. Why in the world would she feel hurt if you didn't defend her? Stupid, stupid, stupid…_ he had been so busy chastising himself, he almost didn't catch what she said next.

She turned her piercing gaze back to the Bellas. "If this is what I get for trying…"

And that was when the hurt truly sunk in. Of course he remembered her performance on stage. He had smiled to himself at her sheer gutsiness. And found himself bobbing his head to a tune that had previously wanted to make him fall asleep. She had put an effort in, and actually succeeded in making the song sound catchy. It was a pretty impressive feat. But he couldn't focus on that right now. All he could focus on was the irony. Did no one else see the irony? Jesse's heart shattered a bit more as he thought of how he had leapt to protect her- to put an effort in- and she had shot him down mid-flight, then immediately turned to the Bellas and talk about trying for them, but not having her attempt appreciated.

_Did you ever try for us?_

No, she didn't, and that was what kept him rooted in place even as Benji came up, giving them their cue to proceed into the stage. "Trebles," he told them in an awed voice, "time to bring the pain." In his mind he was still trying to process what had happened, to figure out if Beca was seriously being so hypocritical. Couldn't she see…?

The difference to her, he realized, was that the Bellas mattered. He, Jesse, didn't. He couldn't help but be hurt by Benji's phrasing. _Yeah, Benji, got it. However, someone kinda beat us too it…_

Beca stormed past him. He didn't move this time, didn't chase after her and fuck up his group's performance as he once would. After risking it all for so long, you gotta know when to cut your losses. This was the time. Dimly, he could hear Benji shouting Beca's name in the background and chasing after her. But by then he was beyond caring. _If this is what I get for trying…._ He pushed past the remaining Bellas, ignoring the sympathetic looks some of them shot him and mumbling a halfhearted "Excuse me" as he bumped into Chloe, who had decided it was a good time to start defending Beca after she had left. But he wouldn't bring himself to care this time. And even as her last words repeated over and over again in his head, he added something onto the end of them. Something he had said to her before, but only now knew to take to heart.

_If this is what I get for trying… Yeah Beca. I got it._


End file.
